The first draft of this post started like this:
Christmas music is the best. It’s cozy, it’s nostalgic, it’s an excuse to stop doing real life things and say, “hey, you know what? Let’s go bake some chocolate chip cookies.” There’s nothing like a few Now That’s What I Call Christmas! songs to awaken the holiday spirit.
But that was all a lie, because Christmas music is actually the worst.
Here I think it’s important to explain that my name is not Ebenezer, and I love Christmas just as much as the next guy. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m half Jewish (Jewish, some might say), so my family hits the holiday jackpot. My sister and I light a few candles for Hanukkah, stick some ornaments on the tree for Christmas, and have little to no knowledge regarding the religious value of either celebration. It’s a charmed life we lead.
But anyways, the music. For the first few days, Christmas songs can be nice. They can make you feel all cozy and nostalgic, like you want to put on a Snuggie and watch The Year Without a Santa Clause. But then they turn on you. If you’ve ever been on the “It’s a Small World” ride in Disney World, I’ve found that holiday music works in a similar fashion. For the first five minutes of the ride you’re like yes, great song, love the multicultural puppets. Then about halfway through you’re begging PLEASE, I WILL PAY ANYONE ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY TO GET OFF THIS WEIRD BOAT AND AWAY FROM THE CRAZED PUPPET LUNATICS.
It’s the day before the day before Christmas, and holiday music has become my it’s a small world after all. Don’t get me wrong, caroling with my family at not one, not two, but three Christmas parties this weekend was both cheesy and delightful, but if I hear one more soulful rendition of “All I Want for Christmas Is You” by (insert pop star name here), I might have to leave the country.
Shout out to anyone who works in any place that sells anything, because the holiday music torture fest started on December 1st. You’ve been fighting this fight WAY longer than I have. Stay strong, retail workers.
Over the years I have compiled something of an alternative holiday playlist, because at my core I am a horrible hipster person who uses words like alternative to describe her interests. Most of the songs are pretty mellow, but I really do love Christmas and Hanukkah and snow. When I’m looking for some holiday tunes that aren’t sung by the cast of Glee, these songs get the job done. Feel free to take a listen.
No matter what you’re listening to, have a safe and happy holiday!