Two Dudes, One Moped

The other night I was walking home from class, attempting not to get tangled in my headphones cord while balancing a cup hot of cider and spilling it all over my hands. I strolled down Main Street, happy for my day to be over. And that’s when I saw it: Two Dudes, One Moped.

They’re a majestic creature, really. Like Bigfoot or the Lochness Monster. Just a couple of guys sharing one small seat on a motorized scooter and looking upset about it. There’s the guy driving, hunched forward and looking anywhere but back at his friend, or at anyone else, for that matter. Then there’s the passenger, following strict, guy-on-the-back-of-a-moped protocol.

GUY-ON-THE-BACK-OF-A-MOPED-PROTOCOL:

• You think this is weird, and you must make it known to the world that you think it’s weird.
• Sit as far back as possible without actually tumbling backwards into the street. Risk life if necessary.
• Do not, under any circumstances, wrap your arms around the dude in front. Put your hands anywhere else. Hold the seat, flail your arms around, pick your nose. Anything else.
• Absolutely no hip contact.

This next part goes out to you, Dude On The Back Of A Moped. It’s okay. Sometimes, when you’re running late to wherever you’re going, you have to hitch a ride of the back of another dude’s scooter. There’s nothing wrong with Two Dudes, One Moped. Just relax and enjoy the ride, you mythical creature of this college campus.