Spongebob Wednesday

Hi, friends.

So you may notice that today is Wednesday. I swear, we had every intention of posting on Monday. Jules and I spent four hours in a very large conference room on Monday night, co-writing a hilarious 3 pages, and occasionally pausing so that Julie could do yoga on the table. We also tried sitting at opposite ends of the table, like we were King Louis and Marie Antoinette. Or Shrek and Fiona. We couldn’t really hear each other across the table, and we’d left all of our romantic dinner candles at home, so we ditched the idea pretty fast. That was a fun five minutes, though.

The bottom line is, we wrote some funny shit. But upon re-reading that shit yesterday—when we were planning on wittily posting a day late—we realized that it’s some shit we need to spend some more time on. The story is fun, I promise. (Hint: It includes a montage of us being really good at beer pong.) But it’s not quite ready for you guys yet. Just bear with us.

In the meantime, I’d like to tell you about my Wednesday using a bunch of Spongebob clips I just found on YouTube.

This morning, I woke up and realized I’d forgotten to go grocery shopping last night.

 

So I hit the grocery store, and upon return to the apartment, realized that I’d forgotten to restock on M&Ms.

(I still have not restocked on M&Ms.)

After breakfast, I headed to the library. On my way I walked by a boy in a hoodie sweatshirt who looked to be about fifteen. He asked sweetly, “Would you like a free DVD?”

I quickly answered no, but as I walked away, I realized I had so many questions. A DVD? What year is that kid from? What the hell did he record on that DVD? Should I report him for truancy? Is truancy even a thing anymore? The DVD-guru had another juvenile friend who was also giving away free DVDs on the the quad, but I avoided the shit out him, so I suppose I’ll never know what was on those free DVDs. (Although if I had to guess, it’s probably porn, right?)

Now I’m at the library, and I connect to the following clip on a deeply emotional level.

Happy Wednesday, my friends. I hope the filing cabinets in your brains aren’t on fire today. (And if they are, I hope you remembered to stock up on M&Ms.) Check back in Monday for some regularly-scheduled thoughts from Jules!